Moi, Poetry, The Fine Line

Little Life

A little life 

I have

Blooming inside of me

Little joys

Little hopes 

A fast little heartbeat

Little smiles

Little loves

You are a part of me

Little dreams

Little peace

Little hands, legs and feet

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Creative Writing, Moi, Poetry, The Fine Line

When the Change Comes

I reach up and out into the darkness, the nothingness and I pull it toward me.

I am laid out on my back and then it’s 9’oclock in the morning.

The nothingness, I grip tight in the palm of my fists,

I kiss it, my fists; I make a wish. A wish I will share with the rest of the world

Because I pull it onto my face and it becomes my glow. 

I will not try to hide it, not try to subdue. 

Nothingness it may be, but it is newfound life to me. 

And although they may say it’s another craze, another episode,

I will take my nothingness, my newfound life, my glow 

And to all of the world I will let it showshowshow.

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Creative Writing, Literature

His Uncovered Wife

Aha. The painting. I call it The Uncovered Wife. I took it from the storage boxes of the Syrian Prince, Faisal Raheem.

I was away at war, a dire time it was. The streets was full of golden sand rushing towards us like a billion bullets. There had been no gun fire for almost a week and I was beginning to appreciate the sound of the silent screams fleeing on the winds.

Their voices, running from me, running toward me and resonating within me. At first it tore away at the mind, conscience batteling with the patriarchal teachings. But then, as I have said, the sound of those voices in the wind served as a reminder that there was life outside of these barren dunes.

I had been convinced that all native life had seen its end. The life that I would again meet with would not be here; it would not be on my sweep. This was a daily thought and there was hope. I was interrupted by a hollow bang. It echoed through my body and soul. Was it hope it was it fear?  Until this day, I am unable to say.

I was alone in the world with nothing but the embrace of dying screams and golden bullets of the wind. I had even begun to question if I had survived the war, if I had made it out alive. Certainly not. There was no life about me, the was no life within me. But the bang.

I turned and turned again. In the distance I saw a house, a palace which had been under construction since we had arrived. I was sure it was empty, we all were. When the tanks drove us inland on the very first day we saw it. The crumbling walls and the blackend windows encourages our thoughts away from the possibility of finding inhabitants there. So we moved on.

The palace represented a choice, something that I did not understand at the time. You see, I could have continued on to the boarder and have been done with nationalism. It could not have been far off. Or, I could have gone in search of the unlikely inhabitants of the deserted palace, which I did.

When I found them, him, I felt that death had gripped us all. I, myself, was no inhabitant in that land of the living, for that land of the living did not exist for us. I stood over them, on my way to The Gates, had I not already unknowingly passed them. She lay there having already descended into a place from which there was no return. He lay beside her, deciding whether or not to follow her now or at another time.

It was a dark day. I remember the wind beating at the house. I went back in my mind, it was exactly as they helped us to understand it. If we did not fight relentlessly, they would come to and beat at our home. At our women, at our children, at our souls.

He shuffled. He pushed something back into a large wooden box that lay flat behind him. He looked into the box, then he looked at me and attempted to avert my gaze. He spoke and I stepped closer to the place where the box lay flat. That bang.

He sat up and moved away from the dead woman on the ground. His strength and energy took him towards the box. He shook. I remember the sound of his bones shaking.

I could see that he was dying and this was his dying wish, that I should not look inside the box. I disregarded any wish from a man that was capable of beating my home, my land, my women and my children. I stepped into the box and it crumbled under my feet. He tried to stand before me, but he crumbled just as the box did. I pushed him away with my foot and lifted the painting.

The naked, celestial body of the women, dead on the floor, stood before me; such grandeur beneath that burka. He looked up at me, searching my face for some sympathy and some remorse but there was none. There was only lust. He mumbled something to me in that dark room, I did not hear and when I managed to look away from the still beauty to him, I found that his body lay as lifeless as hers.

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Musings, Poetry, The Fine Line

Religion

Now you’ve come along and my world has plunged into yet another turmoil.
The battle between religion, which is righteousness, and freedom, which is faith, has begun again.

They said that Grace is for everyone, but only for the baptized,
And I used to sing along, but then I realised,
That the grace being declared was not free, nor for all,
For most, after a life of hell into hell will fall.
That’s when my singing became a whisper, I wasn’t quite sure
If I wanted my mind to be thoughtless, my life a chore.
But the reward of this was life, heaven when I die…
Now and often there’s the questions, ‘but what if it’s true?’ and “but what if it’s a lie?”

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Creative Writing, Momentary, Poetry, The Fine Line

Behind Closed Eyes

tears on my pillow
pain in my heart
caused by you

Her words ring loud in my mind as I think about you. Emotions pour forth under my closed eyelids, soaking the pillow on which my weary head lies.

I’ve thought about us, almost daily, through and through. The notion of our unspoken love summoned to come alive but still, until this day, no words have been exchanged and thus my heart continues to cry.

I cannot laugh, I cannot eat, I cannot sleep. Yet I close my eyes. Only as a means to find your face again. But in all my trying I only find that I become Frankenstein! I create a face that is not yours. I create a face that belongs, a little, to all of my lovers; in whose arms I’ve lain to take away that pain that is your absence. I create a monster.

I close my eyes and share moments with you that you will not remember; to force back tears, yet still I cry, for my love will forever remain tender – for you alone, for you right now but you will never know.

I’ll let him go
This time
I will.
I’ll let him go
This time.

The song I sing each night as I make-believe I sleep. I let you go for  mere moments as I travel to the dimensions of dreams. Dreamland we called it. You remember?  The place, each night we’d meet.

While I’m there, sojourneying through this love, I see you clear; as bright as day, more beautiful than a thousand doves. A symbol of freedom, my dear. My one hope now, in all of life, is that of you I might dream and dream forever.

Oh my love, I wish you knew the light you bring to life. But you never will, for I won’t say until the day I die.

*

I’m asleep now and this way I’ll stay. In dreamland I have forever locked myself away.

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Creative Writing, Poetry, The Fine Line

My Unspoken Words

And I’m banking on your capacity to read my mind and know how I feel about you.

I can’t read a mind to save myself and I don’t believe that telepathy is true.

But your response to what’s on my mind will determine how happy I’ll be.

How has this notion that you must be able to read my mind conceived?

It’s because I love you and I think you should know that’s true

And if you don’t then it’s not fate and we’re not meant to be.

Because maybe there’s a truer love to be found if I don’t make it with you,

And maybe they’ll read my mind and see my love for them is true.

But maybe I will get to that point in life and find that just like you,

They too could not read my mind, and thus my lunatic ideas would mean we’re through.

And then, all over again I’d start the wait,

In search for a love, I’d hope and pray that this time it’s not too late.

I’d be older and wiser and realise that I should have spoken my mind

Because there were words written on my heart to which you were faultlessly blind.

**

And thereafter, whatever happens I will go on living a regretful existence

But if I could wish for and be granted another life I would not bear such resistance.

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